Please Darling Know That I Love You
by goingmywaydoll
Summary: She was simply Lily and he was simply James, except that there was nothing simple about this story. Jily seventh year fic.
1. Chapter 1

**What's this? Kate starting a story she probably won't finish. Oh dear, someone talk me out of this. **

**Anyways, I am diving into the much overused seventh year Jily fic. GASP. Shut up, I want to do this. "But Kate," one of you will probably say, "You're about to go away for three months without computer access." I said shut up, 'kay? Yeah, there will be a major hiatus but I have the first three chapters lined up so I'll update twice in the next week then save the third until I get back for Thanksgiving. Then I'll write the fourth and update it when I get back for Christmas. Then I'll write the fifth and update before I get back to school. Not really sure where to go from there, but bear with me, yeah? So plunge with me into this terrible idea!**

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Lily despised the summer holidays. Okay, perhaps that was overstating it a bit, but it was safe to say she disliked them. After being gone for a significant part of the year, her family was always different. They had gone through more than half a year without her, more than half a year full of inside jokes, broken hearts, fights and so much more. Lily's magic wasn't the only thing that made her an outsider in her own family. That wasn't the end of it either. Petunia's visible animosity towards her sister was always hard to go through. With all that had happened, Lily still loved her sister deeply and it was a new slice through her heart for every "Freak," glare, and rolled eyes. Because of Petunia's hatred of magic, Lily had to be careful with her owl coming and going. Thankfully, she had a bedroom facing away from the street, so it was easier to sneak Theo out the window. However, her need for care meant that it was difficult to write to Marlene McKinnon and Emmeline Vance, her two best friends. Emmeline lived near Lily so she was able to apparate to see her friend, now she was of age. Marlene spent much of her summer in Scotland, where her mother had family, which meant her contact with Lily was minimal. Before she ended her friendship with Severus, she would spend her days with him. But it was seventh year and she hadn't seen Severus during the summer for two years now. These conditions combined made her holiday quite boring and seemingly endless.

So it was with ease and contentment she made her way to King's Cross to board the train to take her back to Hogwarts. After six years of this, she and her parents, for Petunia no longer wished to drop her off, would merely say goodbye before entering Platform 9¾, since her parents were still uncomfortable with the magical world.

"Have such a good time this year, dear," Marie Evans said tearfully after giving her youngest a tight hug.

"I will, Mum," said Lily, her eyes slightly wet as well. It was always hard to say goodbye to her parents. They were the one thing she looked forward to about the holidays.

"We'll miss you, darling," Mr Evans said and Lily gave him another hug.

"Bye then," said Lily regretfully then pushed her cart through the barrier.

The heavy smoke from the Hogwarts Express greeted her comfortably and she couldn't help but smile. While she was not overly fond of the workload that would come with seventh year, she was eager to get back to the castle. Squinting through the haze, Lily looked for her friends anxiously. It took Marlene approximately two seconds to find Lily.

"Lily!" her friend's voice called through the haze.

"Hey, Mar!" The two girls hugged each other, relieved to have found the other so quickly and to see each other after such a long period of time.

"Oh your hair looks positively marvelous!" the brunette gushed. Lily had had it trimmed the week before but it still retained its styled look.

"Thanks. How was Scotland?"

"Boring as hell, as usual," she said, rolling her eyes. "Soooo..."

"Yes?"

"Emmeline told me _all_ about what you did this summer," Marlene said suggestively.

"What did she say now?" asked Lily. Emmeline had a habit of making something out of nothing.

"Just how much time you spent with a certain Marauder..."

"James?" asked Lily incredulously. "Please, we hung out maybe once or twice."

"First of all, define hanging out, second of all, Em said you hung out with them at least ten times. And since when is he James and not Potter?"

"Hanging out was hanging out. Maybe I _did _play things down. And James has..." Lily paused, searching for a word, "Matured."

"Oh has he?" Her friend raised her eyebrows.

"Oh stop it." Lily craned her neck to look through the crowd. "Have you seen Emmeline?"

"No, she must be late," answered Marlene, also trying to find the blond. "So there's nothing going on with you and James Potter?"

"Nothing."

"Nothing whatsoever?"

"Nope."

"Then you won't mind that he's seeing Emily Griffiths."

"He's _what_? He never said anything about Emily Griffiths. I mean, he wouldn't need to but..."

"So you don't care?"

"Not at all. But Emily Griffiths? He could do better. She's kind of a sl-" Lily stopped herself.

"Slag?" finished Marlene.

"No! Just a..."

"Bint?"

"No, that's not what I was going to say."

"A horrid manstealer?"

"_Mar_, James was never mine," said Lily tiredly.

"Never said he was, Lil." She smirked.

"Oh, there's Em!" Lily said, changing the subject.

"Emmeline!" Marlene called and the brunette turned, making her way towards the other two girls quickly.

"Hi, Marlene, how are you?" Emmeline asked after giving both quick hugs.

"Fantastic, Lily likes James," said Marlene without missing a beat.

"I do not!"

"She was oh so jealous when I told her he and Emily Griffiths were dating."

"Oh, Em, you promised not to," moaned Emmeline. Lily frowned.

"Promised not to what?" asked a very confused Lily.

"We talked a bit back about you and James—"

"There is no James and I."

"—and she said she was going to test you by saying Emily Griffiths was dating him. I was completely against it, by the way."

"So he isn't dating Emily Griffiths?"

"No, she's dating Andrew Finnegan. And James is decidedly single."

"Oh."

Marlene and Emmeline exchanged looks.

"Well, we better get a compartment, haven't we?" said Lily in a high voice.

The girls made their way to the train, the topic now off James Potter, thankfully. Right before boarding the train, Lily poked her head out the door, taking one last look at the platform.

Now, in this moment, Lily was not aware of the significance of it. She thought it was just another moment in her hopefully long life. But in nine months, she would recall it with perfect recollection and how it seemed so surreal, like something out of a film. It felt like she was watching herself from another body.

James Potter was laughing. This was not special; he laughed a lot. But the moment Lily looked out the door, she caught him in mid laugh, his whole body shaking and his head thrown back. Lily was not sure what he was laughing about but it must have been quite funny. From where she stood, she could see his eyes crinkle, a sign of a true smile and happiness. His hair was mussed, the same as every other time she had seen him. He overall didn't even look any different than he usually did. She had seen him multiple times over the summer, this moment was not significant, but there _was _something different. Belatedly, Lily realized her heart was beating fast, her stomach felt suddenly jumpy, something she had never felt before. It suddenly took all of her not to run to him. Lily's lips parted in surprise at her realization. She liked James. A lot. Probably too much.

"Lily? You coming?" asked a voice that seemed miles away. "Lily."

She shook her head, bringing her back to the present. Emmeline was standing next to her with a worried hand on her shoulder.

"Are you okay?" her friend asked.

"Hmm?" asked Lily distractedly. James had swung himself onto the train and was gone from her sight.

"Are you all right?" repeated Emmeline.

"Yes," breathed Lily. "I'm—I'm quite all right. I feel quite good actually."

"Good. Shall we find a compartment, then?"

Lily nodded, fighting back a smile. They dragged their trunks down the corridor, passing familiar students reuniting after a long break. Lily couldn't help but peek in each compartment to see if it was taken by the Marauders. The three girls finally found an empty one and settle themselves in.

"It feels so odd without Alice," Emmeline noted. Alice Bryce was a year older than the other girls and had been part of their "group" for the past four years, along with Hestia Clearwater. Hestia and Alice had graduated last year, Hestia going into healing and Alice in the auror training program.

"Mmh," agreed Marlene. "I'm starved. I wonder when the food trolley will make its rounds…"

Lily was biting her nails. She had kicked the habit years ago, but it returned every now and then when she was nervous. She suddenly was worried about James and her revelation. After years of rejecting him, would he forgive her? And who's to say if he even still liked her? He had been perfectly platonic over the summer, not even suggesting at something more. It had actually surprised her, his disinterest did. Sixth year had marked the first year Lily and Severus were not friends. With James noticing the shift in the relationship, he had laid off her ex best friend for the year. Lily couldn't tell if he was doing it to get back into her good graces, quite a hard feat in that, or because he was genuinely being kinder. Lily had decided on the former before that summer. With Marlene in Scotland, Lily really only had Emmeline to be with for the past couple months, since Alice and Hestia had already began their training for their respective futures. Lily adored Emmeline, she really did, but having only one good friend to spend the summer with got a bit boring. And she wasn't about to hang out with Petunia and her friends. This predicament found Lily starving for company by mid July and when an elegant, but unfamiliar, owl showed up at her window, she snatched the letter from its claws. The letter contained James Potter's surprisingly neat handwriting, detailing that Emmeline and the other Marauders would be coming to his house that night. Apparently, James was also getting bored of living with his best friend. Lily spent about two moment thinking about it, before she scrawled a fast _Yes_ onto a enigmatic slip of paper and set the owl off with it. James had replied with a _Marvelous. I'll come pick you up at seven_. While Lily waited the rest of the day, wondering what she was thinking going to James Potter's house, James, unbeknownst to Lily, spent the day in a tizzy, unceasingly discussing the fact that Lily said yes. When seven finally arrived and Lily waited in her room anxiously, James had been sitting outside her door for a full fifteen minutes.

"Lily, I think one of your _friends_ is outside," Petunia called up the stairs but the way she said friends implied that she thought of them more as vermin. Lily looked out her window, which faced the street, and saw James standing alone on the front stoop, running his hands through his hair nervously. Lily smirked and made her way downstairs.

Right as she opened the front door, James held his hand up to knock.

"Oh," he had said.

"Shut it," Lily replied and they apparated back to his house.

Since then, she and Emmeline spent multiple nights at Potter Manor. They were even invited to the Potter's house in Cornwall for a week. That week, Lily realized that James was a lot more fun than she had thought. But every time she cozied up to him the slightest bit, she drew back, remembering that he would probably go bragging to Sirius afterwards. Plus, she didn't want to endure Emmeline's stare.

And so Lily had spent her summer, thoroughly confused, but ultimately having fun with the time she spent with her newfound friends.

Now that she was back at school, Lily was face-to-face with reality. A reality that would certainly bite her in the back when she was found to be on good terms with James Potter.

"Well, bloody finally," Emmeline said, startling Lily and forcing her back into that same reality. Emmeline was taking out her purse to pay the trolley lady, Marlene doing the same. The butterflies James had set in her stomach had quenched her appetite, but she still bought pumpkin pasties, Bertie Bott's and some licorice wands. As the three girls snacked and discussed their vacations, the impending prefect meeting loomed ever closer. The meeting was set for one o'clock, two hours after the train left the station, and it would be the first time Lily saw Severus for three months and the first summer they spent apart. She wasn't sure how the summer changed him but she was nearly positive that it wouldn't be for the better. Not only that, she would have to talk to James without appearing at all different. To add to all her stresses about fancying James and Severus' new alliances, she had to deal with being head girl. Not for the first time, she briefly wondered who the head boy was. She had eliminated Remus, since she had written to him and he had said he was not. Lily had been utterly positive it would be him.

The rest of the wait passed uneventfully; she beat Marlene at exploding snap and taught the two purebloods how to play the muggle game Hearts. When it finally reached twelve forty five, Lily decided to make her way over to the prefect compartment, both to be early and because she couldn't stand waiting.

"Well, I'm off," she said to her friends. They nodded and said that they would see her after the meeting. Several people smiled and congratulated her on her head girl badge and she had to dodge Amos Diggory's attempt for a date on the next Hogsmeade weekend. Hoping no one would be in the compartment, Lily sighed and slid open the door, only to have her hopes dashed.

Severus Snape was sitting alone by the window of the enlarged compartment, reading a book. The only solace Lily took in his presence was that there was a head boy badge lacking on his collar. She took a deep breath and coughed, alerting to Severus to her presence. He looked up, his dark eyes softened and hardened in the same second before he returned to his book. Lily took a seat farthest away from him and began looking over the packet of head duties Dumbledore had sent to her. She searched it futilely for any mention of the head boy, but it remained unyielding.

"I—" Severus said after ten minutes of silence. Lily looked up coldly. "I just—"

However, before he could say what he meant to, he was interrupted by talking outside the door.

"Please don't make me?" a male voice whined.

"You have a responsibility, Prongs," replied another, softer one.

"I've never even been a prefect!" the first voice said.

"Oh, shove off and don't be a pansy," a third voice said, then slid the door open and shoved a messy haired boy inside.

James smiled bashfully at Lily when he stumbled into the room and made his way to sit next to her.

"See ya, mate. Have fun!" came a sarcastic voice from the hallway, getting farther away as they walked away. Remus Lupin entered the compartment next and sat on the other side of James.

"What are _you_ doing here?" a snide voice from the corner drawled.

"Ah, Snape, joy of joys, how I have missed you during these long summer months," replied James as Lily kicked him. He looked at her, abashed, and she rolled her eyes.

"I repeat, what are you doing here, Potter?" asked Snape again.

"I'm head boy," he said cheerfully. Lily's jaw dropped.

"Excuse me?"

"I'm head boy."

"No you're not!" she answered indignantly.

"I'm afraid I am, dear Lily."

"Why didn't you tell me? All those times we were together…?"

"It didn't come up," he defended.

"He's a chicken," Remus said in way of response.

"I am not!"

"You two were together?" Snape asked from the corner. The three Gryffindors turned their head.

"What's it to you?" asked Lily rudely.

"Nothing, nothing. Just didn't peg Potter as a true blood traitor," recovered Snape.

"You—" James began but Lily put her hand on his arm. He immediately relaxed.

"You're head boy now, you can't get a detention before the term even starts," she reasoned softly. Snape's lip curled cruelly.

"Got your little mudblood girlfriend to protect you now? Not so brave without your stupid little friends." Something changed in his eyes but the other students were too angry to notice.

This time, Lily's eyes flashed dangerously and her wand was out in seconds. Remus' was also in his hand and James looked murderous.

"Hello, all!" a cheerful voice said. The Gryffindors quickly deposited their wands and tried to look nonchalant as Grace Derwent entered the compartment. "I'm so excited for this year. Seventh year is oh so wonderful, I've heard."

"Really? Because I've heard its filled with huge amounts of homework and stress. Not to mention it's our last year at Hogwarts," said Lily dryly. James and Remus laughed softly.

"Oh, well, I'm curious to see who the heads are then," Grace said, unfazed.

"Actually, we are," James said, gesturing between him and Lily. Graces' eyes widened comically but she didn't have time to respond properly because a new flood of prefects came in. Amos Diggory smiled a flirty smile at Lily before he sat down. James' eyes slid over to Lily's, also smiling widely, but she paid no attention him and Diggory.

"All right, then. Welcome to another year at Hogwarts. James and I will be your heads this year," she said, ignoring the surprised looks. "I expect you all to carry out your prefect duties to the utmost of your ability. I will not have any… tomfoolery in our midst. And yes, I just used the word tomfoolery. For new prefects, you are allowed to dock points, but not from other prefects. In addition to docking points, you are allowed to assign detentions, but both docking points and detentions _must_ be cleared by your head of house first. I will distribute the slips required at the end of the meeting. You will also have to patrol the corridors on the train both to and from school at the end of the term. James and I will hand out schedules at the end as well. Patrol schedules of the hallways at Hogwarts will also be distributed, but at the first prefect meeting of the year at school, where the heads of houses will be present. A boy and a girl will pair up each night to make sure no one is breaking curfew. You will most likely do this once or twice a month. You will also be granted access to the fifth floor prefect's bathroom, next to the statue of Boris the Bewildered. The password this year is lunar lavender."

The rest of the meeting was largely boring. James mostly relied on Lily to debrief the prefects but surprised her by answering several questions about rules correctly. By two, the meeting was over and the prefects dispersed with their various sheets of paper. Snape glowered at James and Lily, who hung back to clean up.

"I can't believe Dumbledore made you head boy," said Lily as she summoned the forgotten sheets around the room.

"Well, believe it, Evans, because this year brings a new James Potter in it's midst."

Lily snorted.

"What? Don't think I'm capable?"

"I _know_ you're not capable."

"You've wounded me!" He clutched his heart dramatically. Lily laughed at the expression on his face and he smiled lightly at her reaction. _This isn't so hard_ Lily thought. _I can do this_. Fancying James Potter wasn't nearly as bad as she thought it would be. Though, it really took all of her not to react when he smiled at her. His hair ruffling wasn't quite as annoying as it used to be and they way his glasses were askew was quite endearing. Lily bent down to pick up her bag and when she stood, she found herself quite close to James' face. She could practically see the flecks in his hazel eyes and each hair follicle on his head. She closed her eyes and hoped to god he couldn't hear her heart beating.

_Or not._


	2. Chapter 2

**Here's the next chapter. Expect no update until Thanksgiving. Reviews are equal to Christmas**. **Hint hint. Ahh, so subtle, am I not? A matter for another time, let's delve into the story of James, Lily, and their denial**.

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Breakfast was rowdy that morning, as it always was on the first day of classes. Lily arrived early with Emmeline, eager to get their schedules. They met Professor McGonagall on their way into the Hall, and their head of house handed the close to identical parchments to the girls. After comparing their classes, they took a spot next to James and the Marauders, ignoring the looks from her friend and the several students that noticed. James smiled, evidently hiding his surprise, and handed her a pumpkin juice. Lily raised her eyebrows.

"What?" he asked defensively.

"Handing me pumpkin juice? Smiling and not smirking?"

"Can't I be nice?"

"James Potter? Nice? Doesn't add up."

"Neither does me being head boy but here we are."

"Yes, here we are," Lily said, grinning just as wide as James was.

"Oh, good there's Marlene," Emmeline said pointedly, interrupting Lily and James and thus snapping them out of their state of denial and flirting. Lily frowned, for Marlene always took a bit longer in the morning to wake. She and Emmeline were both surprised to see her arrive so close to them. Lily strongly believed this had to do with their two other roommates, Mary MacDonald and Dorcas Meadowes. The two other Gryffindors were best friends. Mary had a rather large crush on Benjy Fenwick, whom Marlene had dated for five months last year, before they parted as friends. Mary was a perfectly sweet girl, Lily and Emmeline liked her well enough, but her grudge against Marlene went a mile deep. Mary had plucked up the courage to ask Benjy right after he asked Marlene and Mary was convinced Marlene was at fault for her lack of relationship with him. Dorcas, being a supportive best friend, also disliked Marlene. Marlene was terrible at confrontation and avoided them at all cost. Mary did not know Benjy and Marlene broke up a week after school ended.

"Alright then?" Marlene asked cheerfully as she plopped herself down next to Peter and Emmeline.

"Fantastic," Sirius said. "James and Lily have rung in the new term with a healthy dose of flirting for us all."

"Ooh, marvelous. I can't wait," said Marlene as Lily furiously tried not to blush and attempted to dissuade their friends. "McGonagall handed schedules out yet?"

"Yeah, you better find her," answered Lily and Marlene did so. "That reminds me, Remus, here's your patrol schedule."

"Aw, twice this month? _And _with Rita Skeeter?" Remus complained after browsing the parchment Lily handed him.

"James and I figured you wouldn't hate us too much, like the other prefects," Lily said in way of explanation.

"Nope, still hate you," he replied, tucking the parchment away.

"I told you!" James said victoriously, to which Lily ignored.

"Watch it, Prongs, you've only just got into her good graces," Peter warned and James' face fell at the implication. The other Gryffindors guffawed at the truly downtrodden look on his face. They finished breakfast slowly, grateful to be back at Hogwarts and together again. Lily checked her muggle watch, which she continued to diligently wear, then her schedule.

"Well, I have Charms in five minutes, and I'd like to keep Flitwick's favoritism in place, so I'm off," she announced as she stood.

"I have charms as well," Emmeline said, standing up. The other perused their own schedules and it was discovered that they all had charms together. The seven Gryffindors set off to class, talking and laughing the way.

"Lily." Severus Snape was standing in the doorway to the Great Hall, looking around nervously. Lily stopped in her tracks and turned towards him,

"What?" she replied coolly.

"Can I have a word?"

"Can you have a word?" repeated James incredulously, stepping towards him. Lily put a hand on his arm. He grit his teeth but did not advance on the Slytherin.

"James, I've got this. You go on ahead." The others did so, albeit reluctantly. Marlene and James both fixed Lily with a look but continued to class after she shot them a look that clearly said _I can handle this_.

"Could we go somewhere else maybe?"

"If you've something to say to be, you can say it here and now." She crossed her arms stubbornly. Severus looked wary but continued anyways.

"Right then. I don't like you hanging 'round James Potter."

"I don't see how that's any your business," she said.

"He's still bad news, Lily. Can't you see?"

"So what am I supposed to do?" asked Lily. "Just pretend we're still friends and I can trust your judgement? Pretend I can forget what you did? What you called me? It's not that easy, Severus!"

"He—he doesn't deserve you."

"Oh, and you do?"

"I love you, Lily and I—" Lily wondered when she realized she wasn't surprised at his declaration. She had tried not to think about Severus this summer. He never came up when she was with James, and for good reason; they weren't exactly friends and Lily didn't like remembering who James used to be. But Severus' irrational excuses he made for her gave her a good idea of it. Plus, in her and James' more arguments last year included James insinuating Severus' feelings.

"No, listen," she interrupted, not in the mood to deal with his failing attempt at a romance. "You expect me to come crawling back to you after everything that happened? Because you're in love with me? How does that make anything different?"

"_Potter_," Severus spat out his enemy's name, "Is in love with you too. He gets off like this and I don't?"

"You know what the difference between you and James is? He grew up. He was an immature prat but he _never _once made me think he hated me. He never called me racial slurs, he never hung around with people who thought I was dirt, people who wanted to kill me, and everyone like me. He did all that stupid attention whoring because he was a confused, teenage boy who had a crush. You can't say you're in love too and you should get off like James. Because is the exact opposite of you. He was misunderstood, and maybe you were too but that does not mean you can call me the worst word you can call me and hang out with people intent on wiping people like me off the face of the earth. It doesn't matter that you don't think I'm a mudblood. It matters that you think people like me are. I'm not special, Severus. You may think I am, but I am no different than the other muggleborns you attack."

"You are special, Lily. You are to me. You're intelligent, you're beautiful, you're funny and you're a witch."

"Yeah, but all those other muggleborns out there? They're someone else's special. They're intelligent too. They're beautiful too and funny and they're witches and wizards, no different than you, or Mulciber or Emmeline or Dumbledore. You can't make an exception for me, Severus. It doesn't work like that," said Lily.

"Please, I can protect you. I can bring you with me. I'll tell them you're a half-blood and make sure anyone that knows otherwise won't tell. You can be safe with me," he pleaded. Lily was beginning to wonder where his head was at with his mental talk.

"Don't you understand? I will never be safe when people like Muliciber and Avery and Malfoy walk the earth. I will never be safe if Voldemort is alive. And you expect me to prance around with people who hate me, hate everyone I love? You think I could be near death eaters? They want to wipe the earth from _scum_ like me. And you're just like them," she said harshly.

"No, I'm not. Lily, please," Severus said. "I'll quit. We can hide out somewhere, just you and me. We'll never see Potter, or Black or anyone again. Just me and you, Lily." Severus put his hand on her arm.

"Don't say that," she spat out, flinching away from his hand. Hurt flashed across his face and she backed away from him further. "And for the record, I don't ever want to be away from James. Or even Sirius for that matter. Spending all my time with you, without seeing those I love, is the thing I want least in the world."

And with that, Lily spun around, walking away from her old friend and to class. This was one of the few conversations since the lake incident where Lily didn't walk away crying. This time, she kept her head held high, knowing she did the right thing.

"So, do we need to hex anyone?" Sirius asked Lily when she settled into her seat in Charms, not even late. Lily fixed him with a look and he withdrew back to his seat.

"Are you okay?" Emmeline whispered worriedly, leaning towards Lily. Lily set her notebook on the desk and began copying the notes Flitwick had enchanted onto the board.

"Fine. You know, usual argument with my ex-best friend who just happens to hate the principle of me," Lily replied, her eyes on the notes. Marlene began rubbing soothing circles on her friend's back. "Really, I'm fine. I'm used to it by now."

"That doesn't make it hurt any less," said Marlene. She opened her mouth to say something more but she was interrupted by Professor Flitwick's beginning of the roll call. Lily absentmindedly said "present" when Flitwick called her name and opted to not pay attention to the rest of the call.

"Patil?" He continued on to Potter when Rakesh Patil affirmed his presense.

"Potter?" he repeated. "Potter? No Potter, then."

"Where's James?" Lily asked Sirius quietly.

"Dunno. Said he was going to the bathroom or something," Sirius replied.

"Tell her, Sirius," Remus whispered to Sirius. Lily was obviously not supposed to hear that.

"Tell me what?"

"James may have heard your conversation with Snape," Sirius said reluctantly after Remus and Peter looked at him pleadingly.

"You don't think he's…"

"I definitely think he is," Peter finished and Lily swore.

"Professor, may I go to the bathroom?" she asked suddenly.

"Erm, yes, I suppose you can, Miss Evans," Flitwick answered, surprised at her outburst, and Lily muttered her thanks before racing out of the room.

"What are you thinking, James?" she said to herself as she raced through the corridors. Remembering that Snape would have Charms with them, she made her way to the Great Hall, where she last saw him. As she rounded the next corner, she found Snape pressed against the wall, with James' fist in his robes and the other connecting with his face.

"_James_!" came Lily's strangled call. Both boys looked over to her. Severus sagged in relief and James looked the most ashamed she'd ever seen him. He immediately let the other boy go, and the Slytherin wiped the blood from his face savagely. He shot James a hateful look then walked away. "You absolute _dunce_!"

"Just because I stopped him this time doesn't mean I've forgiven you," Lily added after Severus but he didn't look back.

"Lily, I—"

"I can't believe you!" she said, rounding on him. "Are you actually this mental? I have half a mind to give you detention!"

"He deserved it," James said bitterly.

"You're sixteen now, and head boy. What, in the name of Merlin's pants, would make you do this?"

"Every time I see him talk to you, I can see him hurting you. He can't do that without consequences."

"I don't need you to protect me! I can do it by myself, and without physically hurting someone."

"He won't stay away from you! He needs to learn that what he did was unforgivable and he doesn't have the right to talk to you anymore."

"You're not my knight-in-shining-armor, no matter how much you want to be."

"I don't want to be—" he started.

"Yes, you do. You want to prove to me you're better now, that you're a good person. Beating him bloody won't do that. I thought you'd matured, James, for crying out loud."

"I _have_ matured!"

"Resorting to muggle fighting with Severus is not mature!"

"I—"

"Evidently," she cut him off, "I need to reexamine my choice in friends yet again. We can talk about this later, when we're both not expected back in class." With that, Lily left James alone in the hallway, wondering how he screwed up so badly again.


	3. Chapter 3

**What? Two updates in one night? I had this already written so I decided to treat you guys before I leave for school. Your welcome. Ah, the drama begins in this chapter. Here we ****endeavor into the more serious parts on the story. And of course heavy doses of Jily. Obviously.**

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"Have you seen this?" Emmeline asked as she slid into the booth next to Lily and dropped the Daily Prophet into her friends plate.

"Ahem," Lily said, plucking the paper out of her eggs and toast gingerly.

"I'm serious, Lily," Emmeline said and Lily scanned the paper

_Muggle family slaughtered in Norfolk_

_On Wednesday night, a muggle family in Norfolk was brutally murdered by use of the killing curse, which the Ministry of Magic continues to classify as illegal and a gateway to life imprisonment in Azkaban. The family, consisting of two happy and healthy parents and one three year old boy sources say, was tortured before their cruel killings. A message was illuminated in the sky, a large green skull with a snake crawling out of it. The memories of the residents nearby were subsequently erased and the Minister says there is no worry for the breach of _The International Statute of Wizarding Secrecy_. This attack is startlingly similar to those of Bradford, Cheshire and Newcastle. The above attacks also showed signs of torture before murder and the now notorious Dark Mark was projected in the sky. This reporter was able to receive a quote from the head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement, who said "There are terrible things coming for the Wizarding World and we best hope..." Continued on page nine_

Lily was silent for a moment before pushing away her plate and swallowing hard. She was no longer hungry.

"He was three," she said. Emmeline gritted her teeth.

"I can't even ima–" Emmeline was interrupted by an eruption of laughter from the Slytherin table. Nicolai Mulciber, Evan Rosier, Jeremy Avery and Severus Snape were laughing over something none of the girls cared about but their eyes were drawn to the open Prophet on the table in front of them. The girls knew they weren't laughing over the article, for they had heard some of their conversation, but it was the disregard for tragedy that put them off.

"I swear, the moment we get out of Hogwarts I'm going to hex the living hell out of them," Marlene said angrily.

"And I'll join you," Sirius said as he swung into the seat across from them. James was noticeably absent. "So, Evans, you going to tell us why James is sulking in his room like a thirteen year old bird?"

"Nope," Lily said and returned to the Prophet, preferring to read about an explosion of a portaloo in Glasgow on Wednesday.

"Right, let me rephrase that, what did James do this time?" Remus amended.

"How are we sure James did anything?" Sirius defended. Everyone raised their eyebrows at him. "Yeah, yeah, yeah, just fulfilling my role as best mate."

"Well you can tell your best mate to stop being mental. I'm not _that _angry," Lily said.

"Really?" James' hopeful voice said behind them.

"Agrippa, you look _terrible_," Lily said when she turned. She was partly right, for James was sporting a large black eye and his hair was disheveled in the way of just getting out of bed, not purposely and overwhelmingly sexy. His eyes didn't look quite as green as usual and the grey in them was quite noticeable. Lily shook her head, ridding herself of the thought.

"Gee, thanks," he said sarcastically and sat himself down next to her.

"I didn't know Severus hit you," she said softly, making sure the others couldn't hear.

"Didn't want to tell you," he replied.

"Why?"

"I dunno, I guess I just didn't want to make you hate him more, you know?" He sighed, thinking about what he wanted to say. "I've always been the bad guy, so I thought I could handle it one more time if it meant you wouldn't completely hate the bloke."

"That's…" Lily frowned, thinking hard. It was beyond kind, actually. This time, he was actually taking care of her feelings towards Snape. And it only bugged her slightly that he thought she couldn't really handle any more hatred towards Snape. Well, fancying James certainly had an effect on her feelings and thoughts. "Thank you, James."

"No problem," he said, smiling at her.

"D'you want help covering it up?" she asked.

"Nah, I figure it's like a badge of honor. Quite mysterious, no?"

"Oh, quite. Everyone will be begging to know how it got there. It seems Snape fixed himself up last night, so no one will connect the dots."

"Coward," James said under his breath.

"James?" she asked.

"Mhmm?"

"He didn't start it, did he?" James pondered what to say. If he said Snape had started it, which he had, it would further fuel Lily's hate for him, but also hurt her even more. If he said he himself started it, Lily would perhaps be angry at him, but maybe he could spare her hate for someone that was once a big part of her life. Before he was able to respond, someone interrupted him.

"Nice black eye, Potter. Evans give you that?" Rita Skeeter, one of the Slytherin prefects, said as she passed the Gryffindor table with Liza Crouch.

"Funny, I was about to say the same to you, Rita," Lily replied.

"What you do mean? I don't have a black eye," the other girl said, confused.

"Oh, I must have seen it in your future. My mistake." Rita scowled and stalked away while Lily and James smirked after her.

"I take back every thought I ever had about Evans having a stick up her arse," Sirius said and Lily shrugged modestly.

"Rita Skeeter and my wish to punch her aside, I have Potions and I'd like to keep myself in Slughorn's good graces," Lily said.

"Aaannnddd I take it back," said Sirius as Lily stood and picked up her bag.

"I have Potions too. I'll walk you there," James said, standing up as well. Marlene and Emmeline expected Lily to retort with something like "Thank you, Potter, but I am quite capable of walking to my next class" but she said nothing and proffered a smile at the boy. The two girls exchanged a look, evidently planning on talking about it later.

Lily and James walked in a comfortable silence, for which Lily was grateful. She found it harder and harder not to do something about this crush. It wasn't like she could just go to her friends and talk about it—this was James bloody Potter. She would never hear the end of it. Not only that, it seemed that James had no interest whatsoever in her anymore. At first, this had been a source of relief for her. Not having to deal with his pressure to go out with him made it easier to be friends with him. But now she actually _wanted_ to go out with him, he seemed to feel the opposite. She wasn't sure if she was ever going to be able to pluck up the courage to ask him out, especially since she didn't think he would say yes.

James, meanwhile, was pondering a very similar topic. Their newfound friendship had resulted in him taking what he got with a grain of salt. He knew one toe out of line would result in the termination of their friendship. Asking her out would only ruin that. He could imagine her green eyes flashing when she would inevitably say no. But being her friend was better than her hating him, so he decided to play it safe. The first Hogsmeade trip was coming up soon and it was getting increasingly harder not to ask her. He told himself that if they were able to become friends after her hating him that maybe there was a chance to be something more, but a part of him said that nothing would ever happen there. He had done too much in the past for her ever want to be in a relationship

Lily didn't understand how the past six years had added up to this—comfortable walks to Potions class with James Potter. She had vowed never to be in this position. She had swore that everything he had done to Severus would not be rewarded with her friendship, or, god forbid, a relationship. But walking through the corridors to class with James didn't feel wrong, or crazy, or something she would rather do with the Giant Squid. It felt normal, complete even. It felt like that feeling when you zip up a silk dress and it falls over you in comfortable waves. It felt like finding just the right book and being halfway through it before realizing you quite like that book.

But to Lily, no amount of analogies could explain how she felt for James. No amount of comparisons, or words could express what she felt when she was near him. Here, in the corridor on the way to Potions, Lily was unaware of the true depth of what was going on in her head. To her, it was just a passing fancy (hopefully) with no future. She had denied him too many times, hurt him too much in the past and there was no way he would properly forgive her for that. She had no idea that one year in the future, she would be embarking on the rest of her life with the boy beside her. She would be fighting for her life, for her fiancée's life and someone she believed in so desperately she would sacrifice her life for. Of course, if Lily had known that, much of her seventh year would go differently. She would make different choices, do different things. And she would certainly not be wasting her time.


End file.
